But for YOU i will

‘one of the smart ways to answer people’s questions is to ask them back when they ask you, by doing this, you are guiding them to think…’

Sounds familiar? I believe that we all have heard something like this…

That’s true, a lot of times when we think deeper / look back, we can usually find the answer ourselves, but just that a lot of times we tend to focus on what we are doing /encountering, until we can’t remember the starting point, which is the purpose.

I am not a typical type of thinker, but sometimes i do spend time pondering things of my life…purpose, vision, conviction, plan…etc…

It’s interesting that sometimes you don’t even know whether you are pondering because you have questions or you are pondering to have questions. It just seems like the more you ponder the more ‘question marks’ you have…It’s even more interesting that when we try to ask God ‘Why?’, then God asks us back ‘Why?’

But…now i realise that,

It’s because, God sees that we have the answers ourselves…

yea…we have the answers ourselves, because God gives us the wisdom to make decisions for HIM…

But still, sometimes when God speaks to us we will be like ‘God are you sure? Why?’

‘Why you ask me why?’ (when this kind of questions is asked back by God, this is the time when we really need to use God-given wisdom to ponder / think through, and be serious about finding the answers.)

Dear God, thank YOU, for all the guidance and covering, i know YOU are with me all the time. Please forgive me if sometimes i still doubt, despite all the blessings and favour that YOU have given me.

But no matter how, i will choose to live my life for YOU.

‘Where would i be, if not for Your grace…’

I am not a very ambitious person / an adventurer by nature, but for YOU, i will take this step, by Faith.

A season of changing

Thank God for our new house and the internet, and also for the previous 1 month’s staying in Seya Sunny Apple Florence’s house, where i got a chance to learn to grow and to prepare myself, once again it tells us that God’s timing is always right, it came at a point of time when all of us had sufficient time to settle down before the new semester began and none of us had to pay empty rent.

5 girls living together is not easy at all, different growth environments, different life experience, different personalities, different habits, it’s a time when all of us really have to learn to consider and accept each other’s difference, and even compromise ourselves to one another, it’s not an easy assignment, but i am happy to be in this household as i can see everyone is making effort to be accountable and considerate to each other, i believe that God has His good purpose to put all of us together, this house is not only a place where we live together, but it’s also a place where we learn from each other and grow together, hope our household will be changed to be more Christ-like, even to impact the people around, and be a blessing to them.

I believe that this is a season of changing for me, when i look back, i understand why God put me into all those situations and challenges, He gives me choices to make, He let me know what is more important for me at this moment of my life, He teaches me how to be more selfless and considerate to the others, He let me know that as His child, i am made to be the head but not the tail, so as His chosen people, i should take the responsibility of building up His kingdom.

He’s so gentle, even though sometimes i say i can’t do it, He’s still there, waiting in patience and let me know that He will still use me. Thank You for all You have done in my life. I pray that in the coming OC, i will encounter You in a deeper way.

Am I too selfish?

Lately when I think of my family, I feel guilty somehow, even a little sad. To my friends, I may be a kind person, but to my family, I don’t think I am a good daughter. I am sort of a self-oriented person, sometimes putting myself first, and considering everything that I want as a matter of course.

In the past, I always decided everything on my own, and thought that I was supposed to get what I liked, although I’ve changed a lot since I became a Christian, sometimes I am still making the same mistake. I stay very late at night, just to browse web sites, but never know that it may affect mum’s sleep; I ask dad to get online whenever I want, but never know that he may be having dinner at that moment; I take my sister’s camera because mine has got some problems with the lens, but never know that hers is newly bought and she may need it. Sometimes I just ask them to do what I want and don’t think they will mind coz they don’t say “No” to me, but why don’t I stand where they are and consider their feeling? Yea…they don’t say “No”, but it doesn’t mean they don’t get affected. They still try their best to meet my needs just because they love me so much…Why can’t I love them more?

Mum just went back to China this morning, in the evening when I saw all the washed dishes being put in order, I knew it’s done by mum before she left, suddenly I  missed her so much, I could really feel her love on me, during the whole holiday, she got up early every morning to prepare breakfast for me, she cleaned up my room and even washed clothes for me…and even woke up earlier this morning to do as much as possible for me before she left. But…how about myself? What did I do for her? Why I still stayed so late at night when she asked me to go to bed early? Why I continued to get things disordered when she asked me not to? Why I just ignored her when she’s trying to teach me what was good for me?

Today Kimberly and Haze asked me whether I cried while sending mum off at the airport, my answer was”No!” but…this evening when I got home, and saw what she had done for me before leaving, I felt like crying…to be honest, deep in my heart, I missed her so much, and pitifully I only got to understand this after she left, maybe this is a common mistake made by human: we only know how to treasure something after its leaving.

In Exodus 20:12 of the Bible it says”Honour your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” This is one of the ten commandments that God gives his people, it means this is very important in our life.

God, may you always teach me how to be a good daughter and remind me if I forgot? Amen!