I know…

I didn’t have to be so hash to myself sometimes

I didn’t have to sacrifice to that extend sometimes

I didn’t have to tell myself to love to that extend sometimes

I didn’t have to tell myself to be forgiving to that extend sometimes

I didn’t have to go so far for You

You told me that i didn’t have to…

But i will still ask for strength for what i have been doing for You

As i know that…

What pleases You the most is to still choose to make a decision to live for You to the fullness when we don’t have to

I won’t ask…

I won’t ask when it will come

I won’t ask how it will be like

I won’t ask where it will be

As i believe that…

It’s not about the place, the event itself, it’s about my heart all the time.

And i also believe that…

As long as i know in my heart, very clearly about Your calling, wherever i am, will be wherever You want me to be!

I walked, i ran, i stopped, i turned back, i fell, i stood up, again and again, i have been taught that, my destination can only be found in His one way direction.

I can get so frustrated with my own weaknesses at times, i can be so disappointed with my stubbornness sometimes, i can just dislike myself sometimes, just because things didn’t go well from my hands.  But then, again and again your gentleness just comforts me and touches my heart, and it makes me realise that it’s not my life, it’s the life of You through me.

I can still remember all the trails, challenges and tough times, i can still remember every single time when i came to You and prayed and prayed and prayed for Strength. But, You make me realise that, even if i fell, i would have had the strength to stand up, because You’ve kept strengthening me along the journey.

You told me that, when the time comes, that’s the whole thing, as You are preparing me for Your mission on a specific time. God, this is such a heavy message, as i know it won’t be easy, but i feel encouraged, i really do, i also feel touched, because You told me it’s gonna be difficult, yet You still choose me, i feel touched because You trust me even when i don’t trust myself.

If You call me, You will make me READY!

I pray that no matter where i go, i’ll go with raising up my hands to worship You, no matter where i go, no matter what i do, let it be my worship onto You.

Please fill my heart with what You want, so what i want will also be what You want.

Let 2010 be a year of my stepping closer to Your calling.

有时候，当你朝着一个目标努力向前的时候，你会忘记自己有多累，你什么也不知道，你只知道你要朝着那个目标走。

并不是因为你有多坚强，有多勇敢，只是因为，你决定了。

有些事情，你不能够用好与坏去形容，因为那本来就不是好与坏的问题。

曾经有人说过：所谓生活，就是前进三步，后退两步。也许你是因为受到挫折而后退，也许你是因为错过了某些东西而后退。

可是我相信，就算是这样，只要你不放弃，你还是一直在前进着。

生活里面，充满选择，你一直都在取舍，每当你选择了一样东西，同时你也要舍弃另一样东西。

可是你知道吗？有些时候你并不需要取舍，因为那本来就不是一个选择，只是一个决定。

这样，你就不会后悔。

‘I can do everything through Him who gives me strength’ – Phi 4: 13

Nilla

04/10/09

The total distance from China to Australia is 4,641 miles. This is equivalent to 7,469 kilometers. (Got this from Google)

I admit that at times i do miss home, i miss that kind of feeling and love that only my family can provide.

I miss you, my forever-understanding dad, you don’t speak that much, you are a shy person and you don’t usually express yourself that much, but you took initiative to pray for me the other day, that’s the very first time that i heard you praying for me, i really felt touched.

I miss you, my forever-supporting mum, your constant encouragement and support is one of the main reasons why i have strength in what i am doing. Your “Continue to have faith and trust in Him” & “Daddy and i miss you so much” sms really has the magic power to lighten up my day.

I miss you, my forever-loving sister. To me you are never a little girl, coz you understand me all the time, you care for me, you love me so much to the point that you’re always willing to give me the better, i feel so blessed not only because i have the best set of parents, but also because of the best younger sister.

There is a kind of love that only you all can provide, it’s out of word to describe, but i feel it deeply in my heart:)

I LOVE you all, you all are very very precious to me:)

If this is the season that God wants me to understand His love to me more through my family, i believe i’ve got it:)

hehe…just got this from Liven, nice isn’t it? this is me, wearing a cross necklace and holding a bible in hand, well i do wish that one day i am able to preach the word of God to the point that people’s lives are being transformed. I see a need of growing much deeper in the word of God at this stage. Time to do more.

Thank you Liven, i can really see the significant growth in you since you accepted Christ, keep it up! And i believe that God is already using you, and is gonna use you so much more greatly to impact many people’s lives along the journey.

Don’t know why when words come to me with a written form they will just become so precious to me, and i will keep all of them even if it is just a small piece of paper.

Last Sunday was the shepherd appreciation day, so touched to see people doing different things to appreciate their shepherds and leaders, so touched by my sheep sheeps and LG people too! Due to this i got some “new collections”, as usual i put them in one place, which is a paper bag.

Today i took out this paper bag, it’s filled with nearly every single written word from people since i came to Brisbane, i spent some time reading back some cards and letters, recalling how i have been growing with all these brothers and sisters and friends, really felt so blessed to be in this family of God.

cards

bookmarks & little cards

letters & different scraps

Really appreciate every single one of you who has once written some words to encourage me.

p.s. While rearranging those cards and letters, I found 2 letters from my Korean friends which i received 3 years ago in Malaysia, i brought them with me when i came to Brisbane, really miss those 2 girls – Sung Hee and Junk Ki, 2 of my best friends back in Malaysia.

（3 years back, in Malaysia, how time flies!)

p.s. again: Korean people are very nice! Like my shepherd Christine

‘one of the smart ways to answer people’s questions is to ask them back when they ask you, by doing this, you are guiding them to think…’

Sounds familiar? I believe that we all have heard something like this…

That’s true, a lot of times when we think deeper / look back, we can usually find the answer ourselves, but just that a lot of times we tend to focus on what we are doing /encountering, until we can’t remember the starting point, which is the purpose.

I am not a typical type of thinker, but sometimes i do spend time pondering things of my life…purpose, vision, conviction, plan…etc…

It’s interesting that sometimes you don’t even know whether you are pondering because you have questions or you are pondering to have questions. It just seems like the more you ponder the more ‘question marks’ you have…It’s even more interesting that when we try to ask God ‘Why?’, then God asks us back ‘Why?’

But…now i realise that,

It’s because, God sees that we have the answers ourselves…

yea…we have the answers ourselves, because God gives us the wisdom to make decisions for HIM…

But still, sometimes when God speaks to us we will be like ‘God are you sure? Why?’

‘Why you ask me why?’ (when this kind of questions is asked back by God, this is the time when we really need to use God-given wisdom to ponder / think through, and be serious about finding the answers.)

Dear God, thank YOU, for all the guidance and covering, i know YOU are with me all the time. Please forgive me if sometimes i still doubt, despite all the blessings and favour that YOU have given me.

But no matter how, i will choose to live my life for YOU.

‘Where would i be, if not for Your grace…’

I am not a very ambitious person / an adventurer by nature, but for YOU, i will take this step, by Faith.

有你真好:-)

Remember that you were the first ever girl that i talked to in CCM, remember that gold coast day trip? Remember what made us share so much during the trip? just simply because we both loved Sun Yan Zi’s songs…hehe..then we had the same water baptism during Melbourne OC 07, entered the same membership class…

It’s been 2 years plus already since we knew each other, in the past two years, we are the witnesses of each other’s growth, thanks for being together with me along the journey.

07/02/09 is a special day for both of us, because this is the day that we declared our covenant friendship. Let’s celebrate it every year:)

My dear covenant friend, thank you for all the understanding, love, encouragement, and support all this while, i LOVE you!

We are going back to Melbourne soon, i’m sure it will bring back heaps of memory between 2 of us:) Ready for it? I pray that we both will experience breakthroughs in the coming OC!

This album is dedicated for you:

Thank you for this bear, ‘she’ is the witness of our covenant friendship:)

From july 07 to now, 21 posts have been produced…not too bad hey:P

Whenever I look back, I am like “TIME FLIES…”, Can’t imagine that my third year in Brisbane has already started, didn’t plan to stay in Australia at all when i first came, but interestingly i am still here now…(LEGALLY^^)

I am now officially in the Real World, just had my graudation 2 weeks ago, wow…that BIG day!So unforgettable, actually i was really touched by everyone, really thank God for this sweet family in Brisbane:)by the way, mum really enjoyed her holiday in Brisbane, she really loves us:)mum, we love you as well:)

Looking for a job at the moment, hmmm….it’s really not easy, but i trust in God for His provision, as i believe that if He calls me to stay, He has already had a wonderful plan for me, and He will also provide me with things that i need.

A lot of things are happening around these days, which make me feel a little bit overwhelmed, but it’s still fine, at least i believe that everything is in control:)

Waiting for a job, waiting for everything to be settled down…the time of waiting is always longer than the time of getting what you are waiting for, but at the end of the day, we will realise that, we have learnt the most from the process, this is the time when God moulds us and grows us. Blessings always come along with obedience.

God sometimes allows us to go through some situations to let us know how much we love Him, doesn’t mean that if we choose to love Him more we will not get what we wish for at all, it means, in all the circumstances, if we first choose to acknowledge our relationship with God, He will acknowledge us as well. So, God i trust in You, as You have never failed me.

Go Nilla!

Just wanna share something that I have learnt in the cell leadership CDS.

I believe that as Christians, especially those who are already in the leadership teams, we all have faith at different levels, but sometimes we just need something to activate the faith inside us, which is our conviction.

Our faith determines whether we will step forward for God, but our convictions determine how big and how firm the step is. And I realise that, convictions always come with an intimate relationship with God and our trust in Him. If a stranger came to me and asked me to go somewhere to meet him/her at a specific time, my first response will be: ‘Who are you? Why I should go there? What is gonna be there?’ and I will be having a lot of assumptions in my mind. But if someone who I am very close with, and who I trust a lot, came to me and ask me to meet somewhere at a specific time, I won’t even think about what is gonna happen there, because I trust this person enough and I believe that He/She won’t ask me to do something because of no reason, and more importantly, I know that, this person will be there with me when I go there, and I won’t be alone.

Same thing can be applied into our walk with God, if we know Him well and trust Him enough; we will therefore have a strong conviction that He will be there with us no matter where He calls us to. And if we have such a strong conviction, we will be bold enough to take a bigger step for Him.

I was reminded of the verse in Romans 8: 31 of the Bible. It says ‘What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?’ yes, if we have a strong conviction that He is with us, nothing will stop us from stepping forward for Him.